Author: monksalive

Neurological cohesion — is there a point at which the nervous system works so fluidly with itself and the energies of its environment, that all disturbances of the mind disappear? Our sense of separation is a malfunction of our nervous system. What are we innovating for? And why would this malfunction survive? Are evolution and quantum physics opposing forces? Is evolution simply too much of a good thing? Why do we aim for death & dissolution as soon as we feel we are seen? Death by transformation into mere concept in other people’s minds. We are biologically driven to be nothing more than a reputation and a legacy. How do mental artifacts relate to a quantum experience? How does an idea actually travel through the field? Not even an idea (which has defined edges)… a stimulus. Stimulus animates the human, malfunction of the nervous system occurs, stimulus changes direction.

With the time change, I’ve been able to profit off the extra hour in the mornings and now begins a moment when I can work in earnest while the world lays quietly in shadow. Still unsure what that work looks like and enjoying the process of touching into the membrane that surrounds the current reality and perceptions. My love is calmer these days. More present in the being, so the pressure’s off in the doing. A real willingness to not know. What is the question I’m asking? What support do I want to assist in this liberation. Touched by the sun, hunger in the belly, sleep behind the eyes. I am moving into the realm of experience. Who will I talk to? What leap shall I take? As the teacher appears when the student is ready — so it is when the teacher is ready, the student appears. Who will I teach? And will it be made explicit? To be responsible to another’s hope for their lives. To be awkward and unsure with as much certitude as new love. This is not feeling lost, this is feeling humble. Keep asking questions. Let the answers surprise you.

The new moon MATURITY. I want to share with myself the sensation of maturity. Maturity is a psychic relief. Maturity is easy. In the anxiety of juggling too many expectations, assumptions, and micromanipulations, maturity swoops in to lay down its salve. Maturity is not realistic or realist, it is not a downer. Instead maturity assesses possibility. It takes joy in the process. Maturity builds momentum in the truth of all things. Getting clear is a major side-effect of maturity because it requires detaching from desires and refocuses on what is. In this way, our maturity vibes with trustworthiness & vulnerability. Showing oneself to another in order to communicate from a shared place of clarity IS maturity and that maturity CREATES vulnerability & trustworthiness. Maturity is trusting oneself and in so being, Maturity is the sensation of being trusted. I take care of “what is” inside of me, witness my vulnerability, & trust me to act with Maturity.

What I observe, what I feel, what I need, what I want. I am willing to heal. I am here for you. I love you. I will pay you attention. I will not analyze what you are saying to me, I will simply listen so we can engage in the shared experience of understanding. I will have courage. Sometimes I am scared of what you will show me. I assume that still ness is the same as standing still. I am sorry. I am not embarrassed by you. I am emboldened by you. Because of your strength, tenacity, and sensitivity, I have been shown many worlds beyond all imagination. Roll together.

Jello atmosphere, lightning strikes, deep bass drone.

Let the heat flow and you will grow.

I am being punished. __

This belief probably has a memorable cause followed by a lifetime of confirmation and its undoing lies is shifting perspective. I know from experience that having now barriers in my way doesn’t suddenly cause me to work in flow — I am still searching for how I’m being punished. The only barrier to my flow is my own perspective. Can I embrace each moment as an opportunity to excel? Can I supercharge my enthusiasm? With novelty, I expect opportunity and I am given opportunity. Once the novelty turns to habit or mastery, the expectation is punitive: either be perfect or improve on the last time. Sitting here imagining joy and excitement in the face of these expectations makes my stomach turn. I’m no about to be punished — I KNOW I can survive abuse & embarrassment — I’m about to be given everything I’ve wanted. Something beautiful is happening. I will start making a habit out of being rewarded. I am a master of receiving what I want.

__what do you want?

        what do you need?

                what will you give me in exchange?__