Month: November 2018

  • What purpose, lack?

    Life on the edge, compelled into novelty of spirit & psychology. Facing the void ahead, leads to the acute sense of abandoning what’s behind. Is there a way to imagine progress without the 2D of vision? Can the sonic reality of what’s coming be as loud as the sonic reality of what has come? To integrate these thought energies into the 3D is the challenge I want right now. In reality, I lack very little… or what I lack is by my choosing. Having lack must define an edge I find useful — what maturity does it excuse me from growing into? And when did this start? We joked about this in music school → if you don’t practice, you don’t have to live through the embarrassment of going for it and failing. But out here on the edge, there is no measure of failure. What would I have to give up if I admitted to myself that I do not have lack, I have abundance? What embarrassment am I able to avoid because of this story of lack? The longer I go attaching to this story, the greater the embarrassment when I am finally called to reckoning with this failure to rise to the occasion of my own life.

    Areas of my life where I would like to see improvement through the steady release of a feeling of lack:

    • I have an uncanny ability to find my people
    • My periods of rest are complete + profound
    • I perceive the abundance of the void and know how to play with its gifts
    • Where I have gaps in my knowledge, I also have way-showers to compassionately correct my course.

    I honor my ability to connect ideas and people together in meaningful ways. I give thanks to my brainbody for perceiving the possibilities and inviting me into play. And I lift up my courage to enter into the work of training my prefrontal cortex.

  • In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Part I

    Almost entirely anecdotal recollections, Maté does well to show the humanity of the people he treats. I found it easy throughout this section to substitute heroin & cocaine with screens and comparative, binary thinking—both addictions which ruin entire lives and allow humans to remain divorced from their true selves and thus, able to keep their distance from their perceived inadequacies, abandonments, or cruelties.
    Maté makes it impossible to not see oneself in the struggles of the people he treats. He also has the difficult task of writing himself into the story without being a total narcissist, even when ever story naturally involves him and his responses to and reflections of his patients. He does an incredible job using foreshadowing as a technique to connect various threads throughout his stories, often giving the result before diving into the divergent paths a patient takes.
    The biggest takeaway came early on page 29: “people jeopardize their lives for the sake of making the moment livable.”

    • Where do I jeopardize my own life?
    • What makes a moment livable or unlivable?
    • What are the neurological conditions, psychological conditions, or environmental conditions that define a moment as livable or unlivable?
    • Which of these conditions can I control sustainably?
    • Do I need to control?
  • Cohesion

    Neurological cohesion — is there a point at which the nervous system works so fluidly with itself and the energies of its environment, that all disturbances of the mind disappear? Our sense of separation is a malfunction of our nervous system. What are we innovating for? And why would this malfunction survive? Are evolution and quantum physics opposing forces? Is evolution simply too much of a good thing? Why do we aim for death & dissolution as soon as we feel we are seen? Death by transformation into mere concept in other people’s minds. We are biologically driven to be nothing more than a reputation and a legacy. How do mental artifacts relate to a quantum experience? How does an idea actually travel through the field? Not even an idea (which has defined edges)… a stimulus. Stimulus animates the human, malfunction of the nervous system occurs, stimulus changes direction.

  • Let the answers surprise you

    With the time change, I’ve been able to profit off the extra hour in the mornings and now begins a moment when I can work in earnest while the world lays quietly in shadow. Still unsure what that work looks like and enjoying the process of touching into the membrane that surrounds the current reality and perceptions. My love is calmer these days. More present in the being, so the pressure’s off in the doing. A real willingness to not know. What is the question I’m asking? What support do I want to assist in this liberation. Touched by the sun, hunger in the belly, sleep behind the eyes. I am moving into the realm of experience. Who will I talk to? What leap shall I take? As the teacher appears when the student is ready — so it is when the teacher is ready, the student appears. Who will I teach? And will it be made explicit? To be responsible to another’s hope for their lives. To be awkward and unsure with as much certitude as new love. This is not feeling lost, this is feeling humble. Keep asking questions. Let the answers surprise you.